Deep Thoughts
From DigitalSoup
Deep Thoughts by Tim Cortesi
- I recently learned that pickles are really just cucumbers in disguise. There is nothing I hate more than dubious vegetables.
- I've always wanted to put a message in a bottle that said "thanks for cleaning up my trash".
- Cats are a lot like personalities. Having a couple is ok, but too many and people start to think you're insane.
- I bet in the early days of waffles you had to make a thick pancake and then individually cut all those squares out one at a time. Technology sure has made our lives easier over the years.
- I often wonder if cave men appreciated having granite counter tops.
- I think SIMON was the original guitar hero. There were different colored buttons that you had to press in the right order resulting in mediocre "music". Sadly nobody ever comes to my SIMON parties. What am I supposed to do with all those extra nachos??
- You'd think that putting marshmallows in a beer bottle in a fire would create some kind of awesome marshmallow shooting cannon. In reality the stuff just kind of bubbles around a lot and then oozes all over.
- People are always talking about the need for alternative fuel cars but whenever you suggest running a car on diet coke and mentos, they tell you you're crazy.
- I love it when people wear headphones in their cubicle at work. It makes it so much easier to sneak up behind them and flick their ears.
- The only difference between a jerk and a sarcastic person is that people think the sarcastic person is joking.
- Yesterday my boss hinted that I need to work more overtime. I laughed pretty hard because it's not often that my boss tells good jokes.
- Whenever somebody gives you two options, always pick the second one. That way if you're ever on death row and they ask if you want steak or chicken and you pick the first option everyone will be shocked. It's good to keep people on their toes.
- Sometimes at work I make up random acronyms and use them during meetings. Screwing with people is F.U.N.
- I think the best thing about having my own house is not having to eat lima beans. The mortgage payments are a little expensive, but lima beans are just TERRIBLE.
- Some day I want to start a clothing trend that's really popular with teenagers. Once it catches on, I would go on TV and tell them they all look ridiculous. Somebody's gotta wipe that smirk off their faces.
- I bet somebody did a study once to calculate the minimum amount of space a person can sit in for eight hours a day without going insane. If I had to guess, I bet that guy's name was Joe Cubicle.
- Why is it that I've never seen a green "green car"?
- Whenever I come to a crossroads in my life, I like to stick with the path 'more' traveled. Sure it isn't as interesting, but who wants dirty shoes?
- I've always wanted to hide a small speaker inside a shell on the beach...
- I bet a grave stone would be a pretty awesome gift... especially if you filled in the date of death.
